Allow me to introduce myself . . .

. . . and a few of my favorite topics.

Welcome to my Substack.

I’m an about-to-be former columnist for The Columbus Dispatch, the daily newspaper in Columbus, Ohio. I’m saying hello on Substack just as I say goodbye in The Dispatch. My farewell column hits the print edition on Sunday, Feb. 11.

Downsizings and budget cuts had reduced my Dispatch column from three times a week to once a week and then to once a month. It was called “So To Speak” but, given its infrequency, I thought about renaming it “I Thought Joe Blundo Retired a Long Time Ago.”

So, anyway, I’m now a Substacker. To give you an idea of what I like to write about, I went back and read some of the columns I wrote over 27 years for the newspaper. Many I’d forgotten. But based on the accumulated evidence, there’s no doubt I have a habit of writing about:

— Words. Over the years I’ve written about words I hate (gubernatorial for example — what a dumb-looking word), words I love  (brontosaurus — the greatest dinosaur name; it even sounds like a huge, lumbering beast), words I wish would go away (whom — whom the hell needs it?).

— Things I’m tired of. I’ve been making lists of tiresome trends, fads and pop culture phenomenon for years. In my last list, I declared myself tired of world record attempts (world’s largest charcuterie board — sheesh) and the names of generations (I can’t keep track of where Millennials end and Z’s begin, and why does it matter anyway?). I’m also already tired of the 2024 presidential election — that’s called preemptive fatigue.

— Things in nature that aren’t fair. Sharks have unlimited replacement teeth, carbon monoxide is odorless and colorless, humans are the only primates that lack prehensile feet and yet we’re also the only primates that could really use grasping feet to scroll our phones and eat a sandwich at the same time. None of those things are fair.

— The quirks of Columbus, Ohio. My town has somehow managed to grow to a metropolis of more than 2 million people while remaining anonymous. That’s not an easy feat.

We have no image, but it’s not for lack of trying. For a long time we thought our status as a popular place for corporations to test new products would turn us into a tourist magnet. But it didn’t, and for obvious reasons. Tourists are smart enough to know that visiting a test market just means that Taco Bell feels free to conduct experiments on them.

— People with passions for something. Especially if the passions  involve animals. Over the years I’ve written about a man who judges rabbits, and another who photographs hogs. I hung out with a masseur of horses and a professor who studies cockroach locomotion. (He had a barrel full of them — it was at once horrifying and fascinating.)

— The names of things. I love place names — Ohio has places named Dull and Funk, and a creek named Pee Pee. We also have a Celeryville, a Defiance and a Dilles Bottom.

Now that Ohio has legalized marijuana, I’m particularly interested to see what names get attached to that product. If someone doesn’t name one strain Ohio Potluck (it would smell like green-bean casserole and make people want to gather in church basements) they’re missing out on a great branding opportunity.

This is only a partial list of favorite topics. I haven’t even mentioned the Ohio state legislature, a gerrymandered freak show falling all over itself to ignore the will of the voters, while shrugging off the corruption in its midst.

Nor have I mentioned THE Ohio State University football team, which inspires a degree of devotion many religions would envy.

Nor have I mentioned my grandchildren, whom (in case any English teachers are reading right now) my wife and I babysit regularly and find fascinating.

It’s possible to ask people to pay to read my Substack, which I will do, but not yet. Two reason: 1) I hate asking people for money, and 2) If no one signs up, it will make me sad.

So enjoy the free thoughts while they last And, as I always like to say to people whether pleased or angry with what I write, thanks for reading.